Closure - Part II

Hello again.

I'm sorry about last time. I thought I could get through this in one go but everything is still so fresh in my mind. Sometimes I dream that I'm still there. But I know I have to finish telling the story no matter how much it hurts, so here we go.

I woke up alone in my old classroom, sitting at a desk in the front row. I had no idea how much time had passed or how I got there, but there was a message waiting for me on the blackboard, barely visible in the moonlight.

"You missed the best part.
Meet me in the gym!
                      - Will"

I got up and checked my pockets for my cellphone. It was gone. Then I tried the lights but there was no power. A part of me wanted to believe that I'd been in some kind of accident and hallucinated everything I'd seen at Will's house, but the coppery stench of blood coming from the hallway suggested that the nightmare was just beginning.

I stumbled out of the classroom expecting to see a mountain of corpses, but there was no one there. Just endless trails of blood that seemed to lead down the hall towards the main stairway. There was nowhere else to go, so I followed the red path in silence, eventually noticing claw marks on the floors, walls and ceiling.

All of the classrooms, bathrooms and exits on the ground floor were chained up and locked, and the blood trails converged at the entrance of the only lit room in the building: the gym. I could hear some kind of commotion coming from there, so I headed towards what was supposed to have been my first High School dance.

I had to cover my eyes as I inched forward, blinded by the bright doorway ahead of me. With each step I could hear a new note in a growing choir of muffled sobs and moans. As my vision adjusted, I saw something that will have me reaching for prescription bottles for years to come. The indoor soccer field / basketball court was peppered with drink stands, cheap Halloween decorations and a writhing trail of mutilated bodies leading up to a makeshift stage. Students, chaperones, members of the faculty - dozens of victims missing arms and legs and moaning in collective pain as freshly cauterized wounds filled the air with a scent not unlike burnt barbecue. I instinctively knew that the amputees should have been dead by now, but the hands responsible for their suffering didn't play by human rules. 

Gustave had just been practice.

Then I looked towards the stage and realized what the carnage was for. The victims were in the process of being stitched together like gory puzzle pieces forming a gigantic effigy of Julami itself. Whatever couldn't be created out of living flesh appeared to be improvised from random scraps of furniture broken and bent into the necessary shapes and surgically attached to a still-living patchwork of bodies roughly the size of a small bus.

The sculpture was incomplete, though. A moon-horned head, a pair of arms ending in three-taloned hands and about half a torso were all that adorned the stage as Will sat on the ground in front of it, surrounded by a massive palette of blood-soaked raw material. He was hard at work nailing two arms together and bending them into something that looked like feet.

I did my best to contain a scream, but I couldn't hold it in anymore once I realized that Will wasn't alone up there. Completely nude and drenched in blood, Mari sat on her knees next to him, holding up a toolbox like a brainwashed Igor to Will's Doctor Frankenstein. The bright lights also revealed a third member of the infernal party, its familiar outline projected as a horned shadow towards the back of the stage. Its oversized hands appeared to be resting on Mari's shoulders.

Will turned and grinned, probably having been alerted to my presence by his pet. His clothes were completely stained red and he still held a severed arm in his left hand as he got up to show off his work.

"Had a nice nap? Neat little trick I learned when the nightmares kept me from sleeping properly. Now get over here and help yourself to your gift. Just remember that we gotta haul this thing to the roof before the cops get here."

He spoke like I'd just shown up late to art class. As if I didn't have to strain to hear him over the sobbing and moaning echoing throughout the gym. I remember stepping over familiar heads as I approached, doing my best to avoid looking at their faces or the hideous sculpture so I could focus on deescalating things. For Mari's sake.

"Will, it wasn't supposed to be like this."

He chuckled.

"You mean the bitch? Don't worry, she's completely untouched. And I know this isn't as clean as using guns like we'd always hoped, but the media is gonna go wild when they get here. Think of the view they'll get from the helicopters."

I kept moving forward against my better judgement.

"We were just messing around back then, Will. You know it wasn't ever supposed to be serious."

Will let out a frustrated sigh.

"I don't know, Robby. Shooting up schoolmates always sounded pretty serious to me. But I should have known you'd pussy out on me again. I didn't want to believe it, but you really changed, man."

"Will, please."

"Please what? 'Please stop, it's not too late'? Or maybe 'please go back to your shitty life as a nobody in a world that hates you'? Do you honestly think I'm stupid enough to think that either of us can still walk out of here and carry on like nothing happened? Fuck you, man. Ju is the best thing that ever happened to us and you walked out on all of our plans. I wanted to trust you, but Ju is all I got. Well, fuck it. Now you're never gonna know what it looks like when it's finished. At least not the from the outside."

He dropped the severed arm and reached for his pocket. Scared shitless or not, this was my only chance.

I made a run for it and fully intended to tackle Will to the ground and finish what I'd started on my birthday, but before I could reach him he'd already pulled out a notebook and pen and quickly scribbled something inside. I realize now that he probably kept some drawings half-finished in case of emergencies.

I stopped dead in my tracks as the statue groaned to life and began to leak an assortment of bodily fluids. The people who served as the Julami-Thing's muscles - most of them teenagers like myself - wept as fleshy arms dragged them off the stage with impossible strength. Seeing hell itself charging towards me, I changed directions and ran out of the gym as fast as my legs could carry me. 

I remember nearly slipping over a body as I scrambled towards the hallway. I'm pretty sure that was the last time I saw Vic.

The thing lunged towards me with a pained growl, and I could hear wind whistling between its makeshift claws as it tore through the air. I've never been a particularly fit person, but the threat of a fate worse than death can turn anyone into an athlete.

I barely remember making it upstairs, backtracking to the only door I knew I could close. I remember the pain perfectly well, though. The Julami-Thing swiped off a chunk of my right Achilles tendon just as I reached the classroom. It took all of my strength to shut that door without passing out, but the insistent banging assured me that it wouldn't keep the thing out for long. Both hands still pulling back on the door handle, I used my good leg to drag a chair over to my side. Then I began kicking it into the ground until the flimsy metal frame was warped and twisted enough to act as a wedge between the handle and the doorframe. Letting go of the handle, I quickly linked more bent chairs into a makeshift barricade.

The banging only got worse, and the door was beginning to buckle as Julami pushed with the weight of countless mutilated kids. It was going to break through in a matter of seconds and I was already feeling woozy from the blood loss. My only thought was to jump out one of the windows and hope that the fall killed me. Anything was better than letting it touch me again.

My mind raced in search of options and I remembered our Will's notes and our original tests. Julami was clearly a lot stronger now, but there were still rules, right? It couldn't kill me and I couldn't kill It, but maybe I could override its current task somehow. Then I realized where I was. I had a minute at best before it broke through, so I limped towards the chalkboard.

My hands shook and my vision blurred, but I had practiced enough times with Will to mostly know what I was doing as I focused on the familiar sound of chalk gliding across dark slate. The characters were only marginally better than stick figures, but I managed to sketch out a rough facsimile of Julami forcing Will to draw an even cruder sketch of Julami forcing Will to draw another sketch, and so on and so forth until the door burst open and I finally passed out.

I came to at the hospital a couple of days later.

From what I heard, the authorities chalked everything up to a school shooting and explained that there were no bodies because Will set fire to the gym once he was done piling up his victims. I knew better than to contradict them, and I hope enough time has passed that they won't mind it if I talk about what really happened on an abandoned blog that no one even visits anymore. Besides, I hear that some of the first responders are finally being released from the psychiatric ward and going back to work now.

Will was sent to an specialized institution in another state. I'm not allowed to visit him given our history, but last I heard he's still trying to draw on every surface using whatever he can get his hands on. There's even a rumor that he smashed a window and used the glass to start scratching out artwork on his own body. I feel so bad for him. Not just because this is just as much my fault as it is his (or because I still can't come up with a better solution to the Julami issue), but because I know it could just as easily be me in there instead of him. Had the dice fallen just a little bit differently, I'd be the one trying to make comic-books out of my own shit right now.

The police still investigated my part in all this, though. Marianne must have told them that I was involved, and they obviously knew about my past, but nothing ever came of it. I get the feeling that they know exposing the situation would just make things worse. Besides, they probably figure that between the permanent limp and the metric fuck-ton of antidepressants, I've already been through enough. Though, to be honest, I think I could have benefited from the meds before all of this Julami business.

When I was finally sent home from the hospital, I immediately made sure to delete all of the image files on the blog so no one could ever reproduce our experiments. But I decided to leave the blog itself online as a warning so that this sort of thing never happens again. I even went through some of Will's old accounts and deleted any scanned or photographed artwork. I hear that the cops destroyed the originals after their investigation over at his house, and that means only Will and I still know how to summon Julami. I intend to keep it that way.

In case you were wondering, Vic had a pretty nice funeral, all things considered. It was obviously a closed casket ceremony, but his little brother came up to me and gave me a hug. I've been in touch with him since then. He's a nice kid, reminds me of his brother.

That was also the last time I saw Mari. She blocked me on everything and her family moved to another city during Christmas break. I tried forwarding her a letter through our principal but I never heard back. In case she's reading this: I'm still very sorry, and I hope we can speak again one day.

These days I'm just trying to catch up with my studies and save up some money at my new job (the rental store manager didn't want to take me back after what happened. I'm sure he had his reasons). My parents enrolled me in another school, but I can still hear whispers about how I'm the "cursed boy". I don't mind it, though. At least the rumors keep people away. I just want to graduate so I can put this hell behind me.

With any luck, this will be the last time I talk about Julami. It took a while to go through the archives, but as long as there are no more images out there, I think we're safe.

I guess Vic was right about one thing: no one hates teenagers more than other teenagers.

I really miss you, man. And Will, too.

Thank you all for reading, and please don't believe everything you see on the internet. It's safer that way.

Chainsaw cheers,

- Robby

Closure - Part I

Hey, Internet.

You're probably surprised to see me here after such a long time, but my therapist says that closure is the first step to healing and I'll never heal if I don't put an end to this story. These days, it hurts to remember what happened (in more ways than one), but I feel like I have an obligation to share my experience even if no one else believes me.

So... Let's start from the beginning. The night of the Birthday Bash.

I had just punched my best friend in the face and embarrassed myself in front of the first girl I ever loved. Enough time has passed that I'm okay with admitting that. Besides, what happened later makes more sense if you keep that in mind. Anyway, my parents came home to find me bawling my eyes out next to a half-eaten birthday cake. Not exactly my finest moment.

The next morning I logged onto MSN and there was a really long message from Vic waiting for me. I think it's easier if I just post the entire thing here:

(06:41)#: Hey man.

                I had some time to think about it and I don't know if we can still be friends.
                I'm not mad at you, but how can I trust you after finding out what you were hiding from us?
                Besides, you really scared Marianne, and I don't know if I can forgive that.
                I'd prefer it if you didn't message either of us again, but I still wish you the best and hope both you and Will get the help you need.

This is why I made that last post trying to explain myself. And once I realized that neither Vic or Mari was ever going to message me again, I spent some time doing a little soul-searching. Everyday I'd go straight from school to work to my room, and then I'd sit with my thoughts and listen to music.

I felt a lot of stuff back then. Anger, sadness, regret. But I think the main thing was embarrassment. I was ashamed of the person I'd been, and I didn't want to be that hateful little shit anymore. A part of me blamed Will, but deep down I knew I'd always been the source of my own problems. So I began throwing stuff out. Old notebooks filled with violent fantasies and stupid poems, RPG notes and random doodles I'd made with Will. I eventually got to the box under my bed that had all of the Julami "research". Mari was right, I never should have messed with that sort of thing in the first place. So I decided that, from now on, things would be different. I would be different, and I wouldn't need a pet demon to get shit done.

It didn't happen overnight, but I started to feel better. I tried speaking to new people at school and even decided that I would still go to the Halloween dance by myself if I had to. Vic must have noticed a difference because he started saying hi to me whenever we met in the hallways. We even had a chat about Mrs. Borges' plans for the dance committee at one point. Sure, Mari was still avoiding me, but it felt like the worst was behind me.

Then Will showed up at my door.

I'm not proud of how I acted then, and I wish more than anything that I could go back in time and find some way to help him. But I can't and I didn't. Will reached out and I turned him away because he was a reminder of everything that was wrong with me, and my mistake will haunt me for the rest of my life. I swear I didn't ignore him out of malice. I would have done something if I'd known how bad he was hurting, but I was still sore about what happened with Mari, and I hadn't read his "diary" at that point.

And then it was Halloween. That morning, I get a message from Vic explaining that he still considers me a friend and he wants to tell me something important at the dance. The idea of hanging out with my friends again got me all nostalgic, so I decided to check the blog before leaving the house. You know, for old time's sake That's when I found Will's additions to Doodle Doods. I don't think I need to tell you that I was worried - though not as much as I should have been. Even after everything that had happened, I didn't think things could be that bad. I had grown up with this kid. Love him or hate him, he was still my brother, you know?

I was already wearing my best shoes and a neatly-pressed dress shirt (complete with the first tie I had ever tied by myself) when I finally decided to check in on Will before heading to the dance. It seemed simple enough: I'd take the bike, talk things over with him for about half an hour before going home and begging my parents for a ride to school. If everything went well, I'd be at the dance before sundown.

Of course, I was blinded by the unjustified optimism that often fogs the minds of young people anticipating a fun night. Real life is never that simple, and I knew thing were much worse than I thought as soon as Will opened the door. His clothes were stained a brownish color and he stank like a rancid meat locker, but it was his grin that immediately convinced me something was off.

"I'm so glad you're here!" He sounded exactly like that Christmas his mom had bought him Monopoly.

I tried to come up with some semblance of an apology, but Will just pulled me inside and locked the door behind us. The house was even dirtier than his clothes. Pizza boxes all over the place and air so stale that it felt like I was walking into a grotto. I didn't have time to take a good look around, though, as Will eagerly led the way to our usual hangout while mumbling about how he'd been breaking new ground and that things would be so much easier now that I was there to help him. Rationally, I knew that following him downstairs was a stupid idea, but I didn't have the heart to leave after how I'd acted the last time I'd seen him.

The stench was so much worse down there, and I froze at the bottom of the stairs once I saw the source. The kid was spread out on the floor like a mangled piece of half-finished taxidermy, naked except for rags stuffed into his mouth and boxers stained with caked layers of human waste. His arms and legs had been reduced to charred stumps, and he lay on a carpet of discarded drawings - each a crude depiction of Julami removing limbs from an agonizing victim. I identified the boy as Gustave, Will's old tormentor. Realizing that he had company, the broken body began to convulse on the floor.

Will spoke up so I could hear him over Gustave's muffled screams for help.

"It took a while, but I finally realized that Ju doesn't actually have to to kill anyone in order to send a message. I just needed to figure out the limits of what he can do. Shit's right out of Hellraiser, man. And after we hit the school, he'll be strong enough to do anything." Will pointed to the basement walls, nearly every square centimetre tattooed with intricate variations of the Julami sigil as well as blueprints for some kind of statue.

The screaming grew worse as Gustave began to piss himself, and when I looked at his reflection on Will's old TV set I swear I could just barely make out the outline of a horned figure hunched over his body. It appeared to be licking the wounds on the kid's contorted face.

Will looked at me expecting approval but I had none to give.

I'd like to say that I ran so I could call for help, but the truth is that I'd never been so scared in my entire fucking life. All I knew was that I had to get out of that house, and I'd given up on helping my oldest friend.

The next few seconds are a blur in my memory. I remember racing to the front door, fumbling over the locks, giving up, and then heading towards the kitchen so I could escape out the back door. That's when I ran into Will's decaying mom still hunched over the dining room table. Behind her, a large mirror revealed that Julami had already caught up to me. A translucent shadow with burning eyes reached out towards me before I could turn around.

The last thing I saw before blacking out was Will looking disappointed. He was holding a sketchpad in one hand and petting something that wasn't there with the other.

I'm sorry, that's as much as I can handle today.

- Robby

i tried

I did my best ok?

Sure I fucked up but you drove me to this. I'm leaving this up as proof. I don't want to forget why I have to do what I'm doing.

Can't remember falling asleep that night. All I know is that I woke up in a pool of gore and stained notebooks. The dreams, man. They don't stop. Maybe I crossed a line. I swear I can almost see him out of the corners of my eyes.

Couldn't remember the name of that Clive Barker story with the faggy couple and the giants made of people. Robby would know. Fuck you, Robby. You asshole. Fuck this Julami bullshit too. 

I just needed to talk to someone. But I was still blocked on MSN.

I didn't even change clothes.

Saw mom in the dining room before I left. Scared myself. But I didn't have time to worry about her.

People kept staring at me on the bus. Bastards have no idea what I could do to them if I wanted to. But not now. Needed to get to Robby's place before Julami found me.

I saw him sitting next to me in the reflection.

It was already night time when I got there. I was willing to forgive you for being a pussy if you could forgive me for being me. That's what brothers do, right? But then you opened the door.

"Fuck you."

Slammed it in my face.

I told you this was my last chance. Said I was sorry. I really was.

"Go to hell," from the other side of the door.

I stood on your porch for a long time before I was ready to go home. Trying to find excuses. Trying to find reasons not to go through with it. I really did. But you know what? Julami is the only who never tried to leave me.

So we're going to do something different. Something bigger. Something that no one can ignore.

Now I'm sitting here covered in red and I have no choice but to keep going. But when the news vans come over to your house and the politicians start moving you around like little chess pieces in their big stupid game, I want you to remember that what's coming is just as much your fault as it is mine.

Rot in hell, fuckers.

- Will

Julami Report #3

Hey.

Had to stop by the store to get more bleach before posting. At least mom dealt with most of the mess. Anyway, where were we?

Julami Kill Test: Failure

Drew Julami ripping a hamster in half. Nothing happened. Maybe he can't hurt living things?

Julami Suicide Test: Failure

Drew Julami convincing a hamster to drown itself in a bowl of water. Nothing happened.

Julami Coercion Test: almost a success

Drew Julami blinding one of the hamsters. It clawed its own eyes out about ten minutes later. I think Ju showed him something bad. Can't be sure.

Julami Regen Test: failure

Tried to make Ju give the hamster its eyes back but nothing happened. Little bastard wouldn't stop screaming so I had to put him out of his misery.

Julami Dismemberment Test: SUCCESS

Specifically drew Julami ripping a hamster's limbs from its body and then cauterizing the wounds so it wouldn't die. Saw it happen in front of my eyes. He CAN hurt things.

Julami Feeding Test #2: SUCCESS

Drew Julami eating little hamster legs from my hand. I could feel his tongue this time. Atta boy.

Julami Coercion Test#2: failure

Tried making hamster eat itself

Julami Scare Test: fail

heart attack didn't work

Julami Suicide Test #14: failed again

poison??

Julami Kill Test #33: SUCCESS

third pet store this week

Julami Kill Test #40: fail

switched to mice

Julami Kill Test #47: FAIL!!!

they just can't die

Julami Kill Test #51: FAIL BUT GAVE ME AN IDEA

I can't make him kill yet. Not sure what's missing. It'd be so much easier if that idiot were still helping me. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK

But it's ok. I've got time until the dance. And I can tell that Ju is getting stronger every day. I'm pretty sure it's the blog. The more I post the easier and faster it gets. Maybe popularity is what really feeds him. Everything else is just dessert.

I need to test him with something bigger that will last a little longer.

Anyway, I added some new rules to the list:

6. JULAMI'S RANGE AND POWER IS LIMITED BY PEOPLE'S KNOWLEDGE OF HIM

7. JULAMI CAN'T BE TWO PLACES AT ONCE

8. JULAMI CAN'T HURT HIMSELF

9. JULAMI CAN'T HEAL/UNDO THINGS

10. JULAMI CAN'T KILL (YET)

I'll keep updating the list if I think of something else. Gonna try and relax by watching a movie. Finally found a camrip of The Human Centipede.

Fuck you all,

- Robby

Julami Report #2

Hey Internet.

Decided to stay home from school today so I could focus on the research. Not like there's anything more important than this, anyway. 

Julami made it easy to convince mom to give the principal a call and tell him that I got the flu. Bastard is never getting on my case again. Anyway, there's been a lot of progress.

Julami Range Test ReRedux: Success

Found another girl on ChatRoullette. This time, I told her the whole story beforehand. Showed her the drawings and everything that's happened so far. When she was nice and scared, I drew Julami messing up her room. It was awesome. I think we have an answer to the range question now.

Julami Feeding Test: Failure

Figured that the bugs weren't enough and I needed better guinea pigs so I went out and bought a boxful of hamsters. Mom freaked out when she saw them but I explained what would happen if she complained again. Hehe, that shut her up. Anyway, I made a comic where Julami eats one of the hamsters out of my hand, but nothing happened. Is he a picky eater or is there some other problem? Need to know more about him.

Julami Self-Harm Test: Failure

Drew Julami ripping off his own arm and handing it to me on a platter. Nothing happened. Is he even capable of getting hurt? Need to learn more about his "biology".

I think I'm getting close to a breakthrough. And I didn't even need Robby to get this far. Bet he's too chickenshit to be doing his own experiments at home.

Well, I'll be back soon. In the meantime: Praise Julami.

Love,

- Will

Julami Report #1

Hi Internet.

Will here. Figured that I might as well do something useful with this trash heap since that idiot Robby forgot to change the password. I may not know all of his fancy words or have cool high school adventures to share with you guys, but I can draw pretty good, so stick around if you want to see what I've been up to. 

I've been focusing on my "research" lately, and I think this is the perfect place to share some of my findings. Don't worry, I'll cut out all the boring stuff.

Julami Strength Test: Success

Tried testing Ju's lifting strength again with a comic where he throws some dishes around the upstairs kitchen. Made a huge mess, but I got to hear Mom screaming, so it was worth it. Now I need to test something further away.

Julami Range Test: Failure

Got help from some American girl on ChatRoullette and drew Julami making her bed. She was a little freaked out by the drawing, but no matter what details I changed, nothing moved. Ju's obviously stronger now than he was before, but progress was faster back before we stopped putting him in our comics. Stupid Robby. We could have been so far ahead by now if he didn't waste so much time drooling over Marianne. It wasn't like she was going to choose him, anyway.

Julami Range Test Redux: Almost Worked (?)

Tried sharing some stuff about Julami on /x/ and the De Roche forums, then did the ChatRoullette thing again. This time it was with a kid in England. Managed to make his bedcovers move a little bit. Ju needs more power. Maybe updating the blog will help.

Those are all the major discoveries I've had this week, but I'll be back with more updates soon. It's a lot harder to figure this stuff out by myself, but a lot more fun, too. Who needs friends when you've got a pet demon? Wish I could do something for him, though. 

Sometimes I get the feeling that he just wants to be free. To get strong enough to escape from comics and cross over to... what exactly? Other mediums? Books? Music? Videogames? Real life would be cool, and I've heard that you're supposed to use your last wish to let the genie out of the bottle, but we still have a long way to go before I let Julami off his leash. Heh.

For now, I wonder if he's hungry?

Anyway, I'll leave you with the Korn album I was listening to while drawing today.

Hope this was fun for you. If it wasn't, too bad.

Love,

- Will

Goodbye.

Hey, Doods and Doodettes.

I'm sorry that there's no comic today, but we really need to talk. As of this post, I'm leaving the blog. Permanently. This isn't how I wanted Doodle Doods to end, but I have no choice after recent events.

If that's all that matters to you, feel free to click away and find a web-comic with less problematic artists behind it. If not, read ahead, as I feel that I owe our faithful readers a proper explanation. You've been with us every step of the way, so it's only fair that you know why it all came crashing down.

It started with our Birthday Bash. My parents gave me the go-ahead so I spent all night getting the garage ready and decorating it with cool stuff from the collection. Movie posters, limited edition cups, that sort of thing. I used my first paycheck to get us snacks and soda, and My mom even ordered us a cake. I guess she was excited that I was finally spending my birthday with someone other than Will. Hell, she and dad even decided to go out so we could have the place to ourselves. Now that I think about it, maybe that was for the best.

Will showed up a couple of hours before everyone else so he could help me set things up and add some of his own stuff to the decorations, but I could already tell that something was off. He insisted on talking about how he had done something "really fuckin' cool" involving Julami and some girls from school and called me a "candy-ass virgin" when I told him that I'd rather just focus on the party.

Things went well at first. Vic showed up with his own wiimote so we could all play Mario Kart together, then Mari arrived a little before sundown, looking gorgeous in a green dress with a sunflower print. I told both of them not to bring any presents, but Mari bought us each a copy of Stephen King's Cell. We didn't really know how to react since Will and I had actually never bought each other birthday presents before. I mean, think about it, he'd be spending money on a gift for me one day only for me to spend the same amount of money on a gift for him the next day, so why not just eliminate the middle-man by spending that money on ourselves?

It was nice, though. We ate, drank, listened to music (Mari and Will competed over the playlist) and played videogames. It was just a great time overall. But then Will had to start with his bullshit. He kept teasing Vic about his guest post, saying stuff like "I had no idea you could write with a brain that small" and "did your mom get my invitation to the dance?" Vic didn't seem to care, though. He was more focused on Mario Kart and our ongoing game of "truth or dare".

Somehow, I think him being so cool about it made things worse. Will had a bone to pick and he wasn't going to stop until he got a reaction. Mari had just asked Vic if he'd rather bite into a raw lemon or tell us who he's planning on inviting to the dance when Will interrupted the game. He told Mari that her questions were too easy, so he turned to Vic and asked him if he'd rather take off his pants and show us his tiny dick or "tell us which girl from school you'd choose to rape if I put a gun to your head and forced you."

That was obviously the last straw. But before I could say anything, Vic got up and pinned Will to the wall. I can't remember exactly what Vic said to Will (probably because Mari kept screaming at both of them to stop), but there were plenty of swear words involved.

I remember everything that Will said, though.

"You're just pissed because you know everyone here also wants to fuck Marianne."

That's when I got involved. Vic was about to punch Will in the face so I wormed my way in between them, telling both of them to back off. Then I turned to Will and told him to stop being such an asshole and just enjoy the party.

That was a mistake.

"Really, Will? Don't you get that this asshole is just like the rest of them? You can fool these idiots but I know for a fact that you're just as fucked up as I am, so don't get all high and mighty with me. Or do you want me to tell them about the comic you wanted me to make about Marianne?"

Then I punched Will in the face.

That was a big mistake.

Mari screamed and Will sank to the floor with blood pouring from his nose. He spat out a mouthful of blood and grinned with red teeth. My knuckles ached, but I still wanted more.

"That's the Robby I know. I bet you didn't even tell your new friends about why we had to change schools."

Vic asked me what he meant by that but I was in no condition to answer. I just stared at Will as he got up, wiped his mouth and turned to leave.

"Some best friend you turned out to be."

That was the last time we spoke.

Mari was frantically grabbing her stuff by the time I returned to my senses. Vic tried to hold her by the arm and kept asking if she wanted him to walk her to the bus stop but she kept pulling away. I also tried talking to her but she yelled at me to back off. She ended up leaving by herself, and Vic left soon after that. He didn't say anything either. He just looked at me, disappointed.

I got a message from Mari later telling me to not to contact her again. Then she blocked me. I still haven't heard anything from Vic.

And that was the end of the birthday bash.

I realize that is all very pathetic, but I decided that an apology wouldn't mean anything without full disclosure. So here's what Will was talking about.

We were kicked out of our old High School because we made a list of all the people that we wanted to hurt, and I convinced Will to draw a map of the school for us to use as the blueprint for a hypotethical shooting. The teachers found our notes and we were both expelled even though we obviously didn't intend to go through with it. We didn't even know where to buy guns. It was just two stupid kids trying to process the hell that is the public education system.

As for the Julami thing, all I can say is that I'm sorry. I tried to stop messing with that stuff but I jut couldn't resist. I know you guys don't believe it's real, but trust me when I say that once you start getting into this you don't ever want to stop. Either way, I never intended to do anything to you, Mari. Those were just stupid ideas. I swear.

So yeah, maybe I am just as bad as you, Will. Maybe I don't deserve to have real friends or even a decent fucking birthday party, but at least I'm not a miserable piece of shit all the time. I'm trying to be better and to own up to my bullshit, and that's why I'd like to apologize to the only two people who made an effort to make my world a little less shitty.

Vic and Mari, if you're reading this, please please please believe that I'm very sorry.

You know, it's almost funny. Something like this happens just as life seems like it's finally turning around. Oh well. Thanks a lot, Julami.

Before I go, I'd like to thank all of our wonderful readers for keeping the blog alive so far. This really meant a lot to me, and I wish you all the best.

Chainsaw cheers,

- Robby

PS: Vic, I'll leave your Wiimote with Coach Souza so you can pick it up after class. Sorry again.