Hey, Internet.
You're probably surprised to see me here after such a long time, but my therapist says that closure is the first step to healing and I'll never heal if I don't put an end to this story. These days, it hurts to remember what happened (in more ways than one), but I feel like I have an obligation to share my experience even if no one else believes me.
So... Let's start from the beginning. The night of the Birthday Bash.
I had just punched my best friend in the face and embarrassed myself in front of the first girl I ever loved. Enough time has passed that I'm okay with admitting that. Besides, what happened later makes more sense if you keep that in mind. Anyway, my parents came home to find me bawling my eyes out next to a half-eaten birthday cake. Not exactly my finest moment.
The next morning I logged onto MSN and there was a really long message from Vic waiting for me. I think it's easier if I just post the entire thing here:
(06:41)#: Hey man.
I had some time to think about it and I don't know if we can still be friends.
I'm not mad at you, but how can I trust you after finding out what you were hiding from us?
Besides, you really scared Marianne, and I don't know if I can forgive that.
I'd prefer it if you didn't message either of us again, but I still wish you the best and hope both you and Will get the help you need.
I felt a lot of stuff back then. Anger, sadness, regret. But I think the main thing was embarrassment. I was ashamed of the person I'd been, and I didn't want to be that hateful little shit anymore. A part of me blamed Will, but deep down I knew I'd always been the source of my own problems. So I began throwing stuff out. Old notebooks filled with violent fantasies and stupid poems, RPG notes and random doodles I'd made with Will. I eventually got to the box under my bed that had all of the Julami "research". Mari was right, I never should have messed with that sort of thing in the first place. So I decided that, from now on, things would be different. I would be different, and I wouldn't need a pet demon to get shit done.
It didn't happen overnight, but I started to feel better. I tried speaking to new people at school and even decided that I would still go to the Halloween dance by myself if I had to. Vic must have noticed a difference because he started saying hi to me whenever we met in the hallways. We even had a chat about Mrs. Borges' plans for the dance committee at one point. Sure, Mari was still avoiding me, but it felt like the worst was behind me.
Then Will showed up at my door.
I'm not proud of how I acted then, and I wish more than anything that I could go back in time and find some way to help him. But I can't and I didn't. Will reached out and I turned him away because he was a reminder of everything that was wrong with me, and my mistake will haunt me for the rest of my life. I swear I didn't ignore him out of malice. I would have done something if I'd known how bad he was hurting, but I was still sore about what happened with Mari, and I hadn't read his "diary" at that point.
And then it was Halloween. That morning, I get a message from Vic explaining that he still considers me a friend and he wants to tell me something important at the dance. The idea of hanging out with my friends again got me all nostalgic, so I decided to check the blog before leaving the house. You know, for old time's sake That's when I found Will's additions to Doodle Doods. I don't think I need to tell you that I was worried - though not as much as I should have been. Even after everything that had happened, I didn't think things could be that bad. I had grown up with this kid. Love him or hate him, he was still my brother, you know?
I was already wearing my best shoes and a neatly-pressed dress shirt (complete with the first tie I had ever tied by myself) when I finally decided to check in on Will before heading to the dance. It seemed simple enough: I'd take the bike, talk things over with him for about half an hour before going home and begging my parents for a ride to school. If everything went well, I'd be at the dance before sundown.
Of course, I was blinded by the unjustified optimism that often fogs the minds of young people anticipating a fun night. Real life is never that simple, and I knew thing were much worse than I thought as soon as Will opened the door. His clothes were stained a brownish color and he stank like a rancid meat locker, but it was his grin that immediately convinced me something was off.
"I'm so glad you're here!" He sounded exactly like that Christmas his mom had bought him Monopoly.
I tried to come up with some semblance of an apology, but Will just pulled me inside and locked the door behind us. The house was even dirtier than his clothes. Pizza boxes all over the place and air so stale that it felt like I was walking into a grotto. I didn't have time to take a good look around, though, as Will eagerly led the way to our usual hangout while mumbling about how he'd been breaking new ground and that things would be so much easier now that I was there to help him. Rationally, I knew that following him downstairs was a stupid idea, but I didn't have the heart to leave after how I'd acted the last time I'd seen him.
The stench was so much worse down there, and I froze at the bottom of the stairs once I saw the source. The kid was spread out on the floor like a mangled piece of half-finished taxidermy, naked except for rags stuffed into his mouth and boxers stained with caked layers of human waste. His arms and legs had been reduced to charred stumps, and he lay on a carpet of discarded drawings - each a crude depiction of Julami removing limbs from an agonizing victim. I identified the boy as Gustave, Will's old tormentor. Realizing that he had company, the broken body began to convulse on the floor.
Will spoke up so I could hear him over Gustave's muffled screams for help.
"It took a while, but I finally realized that Ju doesn't actually have to to kill anyone in order to send a message. I just needed to figure out the limits of what he can do. Shit's right out of Hellraiser, man. And after we hit the school, he'll be strong enough to do anything." Will pointed to the basement walls, nearly every square centimetre tattooed with intricate variations of the Julami sigil as well as blueprints for some kind of statue.
The screaming grew worse as Gustave began to piss himself, and when I looked at his reflection on Will's old TV set I swear I could just barely make out the outline of a horned figure hunched over his body. It appeared to be licking the wounds on the kid's contorted face.
Will looked at me expecting approval but I had none to give.
I'd like to say that I ran so I could call for help, but the truth is that I'd never been so scared in my entire fucking life. All I knew was that I had to get out of that house, and I'd given up on helping my oldest friend.
The next few seconds are a blur in my memory. I remember racing to the front door, fumbling over the locks, giving up, and then heading towards the kitchen so I could escape out the back door. That's when I ran into Will's decaying mom still hunched over the dining room table. Behind her, a large mirror revealed that Julami had already caught up to me. A translucent shadow with burning eyes reached out towards me before I could turn around.
The last thing I saw before blacking out was Will looking disappointed. He was holding a sketchpad in one hand and petting something that wasn't there with the other.
I'm sorry, that's as much as I can handle today.
- Robby
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