"Statue by the Sea"

Howdy, Doods and Doodettes!

Robby here with an unexpected post. I'm actually writing this from Will's computer as we discuss the details of our upcoming Birthday Bash. You see, I just got a message from Mari asking me for a favor.

She's starting a blog dedicated to poetry, and since we shared some of Vic's writing in our last post, she asked if we could promote her work as well. I'll admit that it's not the kind of thing that we usually post around here (and Will is gonna kill me when he finds out), but I can't say no to a pretty face. 

So, without further ado, here's "Statue by the Sea" by Marianne Rosa.

Troupes of Bards often came to see
the cursed Maiden trapped in stone.
"By dawn", they sang, "she'll be free!"
in lovely voices and magic tones.

But by the time the moon did flee
the Bards' tunes became weary moans.
Their boastful lungs had grown empty
and the cold Maiden stood alone.

They say she still waits by the sea
for the cure she'd always known.
But none could ever hear her plea:
"to break the curse you need but touch the stone".

If you'd like to read more beautiful poetry like this, please visit MariWritesWords.Blogspot.com!

There. You owe me one, Mari!

Anyway, I gotta get back to planning the best Birthday ever.

Chainsaw cheers,

- Robby

PS: I know we promised not to bring up any weird Julami stuff on here anymore, but Will and I were reviewing one our history textbooks for an assignment and we found a weird picture of one of those Nazca line illustrations that you can only see from the sky. Well, this one looks exactly like Will's drawing of Julami. The thing is, we swear we've never seen it before even though we've already read this part of the book in the class. I'll add a picture below.

"Everybody Hates Teenagers"

Hello again, Doods and Doodettes!

How'd you like today's comic? We decided to post another solo Schooly adventure for your reading pleasure this week, though we've been discussing the possibility of adding even more wacky characters to his class in the future! In the meantime, I think we finally managed to deal with our spam comment problem, so don't forget to check our newly cleansed comments section.

Alas, I have some bittersweet news for you today: I finally got the job at the rental store! While that means I now have nearly unlimited access to movies, the training schedule also means that I don't have enough time to write a full post today. Fear not, however, as friend-of-the-blog Vic has volunteered to take over with a guest post!

Take it away, Vic.

What's up, Internet?

Long-time reader, first-time contributor here. Never thought I'd write anything that would be read by more than just my teachers, but here we are! Thanks for the opportunity, Robby. Just don't go thinking that this means I'll go easy on you during our next bowling match.

To be honest, I have no idea what I'm doing here. But, I did write a little essay the other day that I'm planning oh handing in to my lit teacher, so I might as well share it with you guys. Hope you enjoy.

"I used to watch a lot of American shows on TV. That means I grew up with certain expectations about High School. Driver's Ed and optional classes. Personalized lockers and school dances. Real life turned out to be very different. School isn't fun like on TV and I don't even get to pick my own clothes. But that's not what really bothers me. Our circumstances may be different from other countries, but the process of growing up has to be the same everywhere, right? No, what really bothers me about being a Teenager is how everyone seems to hate us.

The other day, I was out in the yard during lunch and I noticed that the barbs on top of the school fence face inward, not out. Like whoever built this place is more worried about keeping us contained than keeping the pedophiles and drug-dealers out. I don't think think we're particularly scary, and it's not like we're factory workers building something important in here. Some might say that we're here to recieve an education, but everyone knows that most of what we learn is forgotten by the time we get home and turn on MTV.

It doesn't end at school, either. We always get side-eyed by security guards whenever we go to the mall, my boss always thinks I'm stealing from the till and my parents are always a couple of swear words away from accusing me of being addicted to drugs. I may just be an average Joe with okay grades and no idea about what I want to study in college, but even I'm smart enough to connect the dots: nobody wants us around. 

I think High School exists because people just need a place to put teenagers away during the day and they don't know what else to do with us. Our mistakes aren't cute anymore like they used to be when we were babies, but we're not ready to be taken seriously as people either. We're always in between things and getting in the way. Maybe that's why whenever one of us kills themselves, gets hooked on drugs or lashes out and does something wrong the news loves to talk about gun laws, MySpace and videogames, but no one ever asks us what we think about it.

I made a new friend this year. His name is Robby and he's always mad at our classmates. He says this place is a prison, and sometimes I agree with him. The food is bad, the school cliques are like gangs and I've even seen kids trade Pokémon cards for cigarettes. But I think Robby is mad at the wrong people. The other kids didn't ask to be here either, and I think they all expected more from school than what we actually got. If you think about it, nobody hates Teenagers more than other Teenagers. We're mean to each other for no reason even though everyone is just as lost as everyone else. Some of us are just better at pretending.

But I know that complaining alone won't fix anything. My parents always say that you have to change your way of thinking before you can change reality, so I've been trying to look for solutions instead of problems. That brings me to my good friend, Marianne. Marianne says that she want to start a real student council so someone can give us teens a voice and maybe push things in a better direction. She's the one who made me realize that things don't have to be this way forever. One day, we'll grow up and take charge, and then we can change things so other people don't have to suffer with the same issues we did.

If you ask me, nobody knows what to do with us because nobody wants to remember what it felt like to be us. Dealing with teachers, homework, bullies, helplessness and being smart enough to realize that the world is on fire but not experienced enough to know how to put it out. All of it. That's why I'll make a point of remembering everything. And if other people do the same, when it's finally my little brother's turn to study here, maybe he'll have things a little easier than I did."

I think that deserves at least a B+, right? See, I'm not just a pretty face! Speaking of which, I'm rehearsing what to say to my crush when I ask her out to the Halloween dance this October. I almost asked her out the last time I saw her, but it's just that damn Julami distracting me, I swear!

Well, I gotta drop this off at the rental store and maybe watch a movie with Robby if the manager isn't there. Maybe they'll have that new Jason Statham movie that looks like a live-action GTA.

Peace out!

- Victor Davalos

Thanks a bunch, Vic! I think you give our classmates a little too much credit, but that was still a great post. And guess what? I'm also working up the courage to invite someone special to the dance! Let's see how it goes. Maybe we'll have a double date like in the movies. 

Anyway, before we go, I'd like to share this little doodle that I made of Mari during my break at work. Will's been teaching me how to draw better cartoons, so I hope you like it.

That's all for now, but don't forget to tune in next week as we update you about our long-awaited Birthday Bash!

Chainsaw cheers,

- Robby

PS: Your drawing goes with this song, Mari •⩊•

Bowling for Schooly

Hello again, Doods and Doodettes!

First of all, I'd like to apologize for our last post. After the overwhelmingly negative feedback, we won't be sharing any of that ARG type stuff again - cross our hearts and hope to die! Will and I just wanted to try something a little different, but I guess we shouldn't have turned our backs on the main reason you guys visit us in the first place: funny comics! I hope today's solo Schooly McShooty story feels like a return to form. We even brought Suicide Sally back for an extra gory adventure!

So, how have you been? Will and I have been doing alright! We both aced the first big test of the semester, and Will said his mom is letting him get a PS3! That's right, we'll be able to watch Blu-Rays soon. I also have a feeling that I'll be hearing back from the movie store very soon regarding my extremely persuasive resumé.

In other news, we finally managed to get the hermit out of the cave and brought him with us to bowling night! Will insisted that we pick him up at his place so he wouldn't get lost inside the bus terminal, but I'm pretty sure it had more to do with his mom wanting to make sure that her son isn't hanging out with crackheads. It's still a lot better than back when she wouldn't let him go to the convenience store by himself, and I have a feeling that this isn't going to be an issue for much longer.

Anyway, it rained the whole day, but we had so much fun that we didn't even mind. We spent most of the bus ride making fun of our fellow soaked passengers, and Will even took out his sketchbook to make a few quick caricatures.

The bowling alley smelled like stale french fries and the balls were all smudged over with greasy thumbprints, but we had a lot of fun trying to jump-scare each other right before launching the ball. My parents lent me more money this time, so we pooled all of our cash together and ordered a pizza. There was enough change left over to use the jukebox, though we spent more time arguing over our proposed bowling playlist than actually enjoying the music. In the end, we managed to choose one song for each of us. Will and I were pissed that they had almost none of our favorite bands there, and he got into an argument with Vic after claiming that: "The Yeah Yeah Yeahs make sissy music for F-words". Only he didn't say "F-words".

Vic got his revenge by winning both rounds and even scoring a handful of strikes, but I don't think it's fair to declare him the reigning champion because he's the only one of us who's been here before. Besides, towards the end of the second game, Mari and Will were barely paying attention to the score due to the aformentioned Juke Box conundrum. They actually spent a long time in back arguing over music. I hope Will didn't scare her with his opinions about Metallica. 

All in all, it was a really cool day and we even took a picture together to celebrate. I apologize once again for the shitty image quality:

Oh, and our Birthday Bash is officially on! We'll be doing it at my house this time (we'd rather not have our new friends deal with Will's parents), so prepare for an influx of party pictures in our next post. You know, it's kinda funny. Will and I were born just one day apart, which is why we've always joked that we're cosmic siblings or some bullshit like that, but this is the first time it feels like we're celebrating with an actual party instead of one of our usual hang-outs. Maybe it's a good thing that he got transferred after all.

That's all for now, but don't forget to tune in next time for more of our regular programming, Julami-free. We promise.

Chainsaw cheers,

- Robby

PS: We put our bowling playlist on YouTube for your listening pleasure:

About that Kiss...

Hey, Doodle Doods.

I know today's post seems a little strange, but I'd like to ask you to bear with me while I tell a little story before explaining what's going on with the comic. 

Alright? 

Here we go.

There's this girl in Will's class named Meagan. Neither of us had ever really spoken to her before but we both knew who she was. Earlier this week, we were hanging out in the library in between classes(Will was nursing a black eye and didn't really want to call attention to himself) and Meagan randomly walked up to us and pulled Will close. She looked like she had been crying and hadn't slept in days - dark circles under puffy eyes and really messy hair. After hesitating for a second, she kissed Will on the cheek. Just an innocent little peck.

Then she literally ran off without saying a word. Later on we heard that she got permission to leave early that day, and we haven't heard from her since. When we asked her friends if she was alright, they told us that Meagan had been acting weird for a while now because of "night terrors".

It wasn't exactly Megan Fox, but it was close enough for Will and I to let out a unified "HOLY SHIT!" as soon as the girl was gone. I know this isn't emperical proof of the supernatural, but something was definitely going on, so Will and I decided to test our new "powers" as soon as we left school.

We locked the door to Will's basement and after a brief conversation discussing the difference between predicting events and manifesting them (we still don't have a good answer), I began coming up with easily testable scenarios involving Julami. Will's job was to turn these ideas into simple comics.

Our first "trial" was enough to confirm our suspicions. I scribbled something in my notebook and placed my pencil on Will's desk. Then I handed him the script.

Panel 1: 
Julami standing next to a table with a pencil on it.

Panel 2:
Julami extends his hand and slaps the pencil.

Panel 3:
The pencil falls to the floor.

Will drew it in a couple of excruciating minutes. Then came the fucked up part. I swear to fucking god that the pencil slowly but surely rolled itself onto the floor, almost like there was an invisible little ant violently nudging at it.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. We were right.

So we kept experimenting. First with the format of the drawings themselves - resetting the pencil and then having Will draw the same script over and over again in increasingly worse quality. It worked every time until Julami was reduced to a stick figure standing next to abstract shapes. Then we tried single drawings instead of sequential comic panels, with Will adding motion lines for movement (think Jack Kirby). This worked, but only when the instructions were easily understandable. We also tried using no drawings at all and just giving Julami direct commands through text, but that got us nowhere.

After that, I came up with a few more easily testable actions: turning the lights off and on again, lifting heavier objects and even levitating a piece of paper. Everything worked, but there was an obvious delay on the heavier stuff.

Then Will said that he wanted to ask Julami if he was okay with doing these favors for us, but we couldn't come up with any way for him to answer that without his response being pre-determined by us. Will also tried to conjure Julami on his TV, and that kinda worked. The screen powered on by itself, but there was nothing there. Will swore that he could make out a horned figure in the static, but that was probably just wishful thinking.

We were just having fun up until that point - it was kind of like having a supernatural Tamagotchi - but then we started to talk about how we could actually use Julami to bring our plans to life. So we started testing more complex tasks, like having him show up at Will's doorstep with a sac-full of money. You know, like in an old cartoon.

This one took longer than usual. After about an hour, we heard the doorbell ring, so we ran upstairs to answer before Will's mom could get to it. We opened the door and found a handful of quarters spread out on the porch. It was only when I went home the next day that I realized that someone had smashed my old piggy bank. I don't think I have to tell you that this came as something of a disappointment.

Anyway, we kept at it all night, testing weirder and weirder theories until the sun was peeking over the horizon. We tried one where Julami brainwashed me and then made me sing along to Justin Bieber, but it turns out he can't actually mind control people, he can only nag at them until they do what he wants (I couldn't get the lyrics to Baby out of my head until I sang along to the music video on YouTube). The next comic had him magically giving me amnesia so I'd forget the incident, but that one (unfortunately) did not work. We also tried finishing two comics at the exact same time, but Julami would only ever react to one of them (probably the most recent, down to the nanosecond!). We even made a comic where Julami drew a comic of himself drawing a comic of himself drawing a comic. That just made Will's drawing supplies shake all over his desk until he drew something else.

We also did a little research. Will found a blog written by a guy called Dr. De Roche who claims to be a specialist in Chaos Magick (yes, with a "ck"). You guys know I don't take these things very seriously, but I was a little more open-minded after everything we'd seen. Besides, this Dr. wrote a lot of stuff that seemed to make sense:

"Even if you don't believe in a larger Universe filled with unseen entities and incomprehensible forces, there exists an alternate (but no less fantastical) explanation for paranormal entities in the form of Tulpas -  literal Thoughtforms. From Hebrew Golems to the Machine Elves reported by DMT users, nearly every culture describes living entities brought to life through sheer force of will. 

Personally, I've had several successful experiences with Magickal Servitors - entities created by isolating portions of the Magician's own psyche. After being given an identity through name and symbol (usually a Sigil), not to mention plenty of cognitive reinforcement, these entities can perform simple tasks for their master. However, the more the Servitor is used, the stronger and more independent it'll become.

In fact, with enough popular reinforcement, a Servitor can become an Egregore (a similar kind of Thoughtform borne from collective experience) and - in extreme cases - a Godform. Though, once we reach this level of practice, it's worth questioning if the Magician is creating these entities for his benefit or if they're creating the Magician for theirs."

Name. Sigil. Cognitive reinforcement. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

From what we've seen and read, there's no way of knowing for sure if we accidentally summoned Julami or if we made him, but one thing is certain: he's real. We'll just have to keep testing if we want to learn anything else. I still don't understand why we can only get him to work through this specific combination of images and text, but maybe that will change in the future. Hell, it'd be a lot easier if I could just type things out instead of always having to go through Will.

In the meantime, we've come up with some ground rules based on what we've observed so far:

1. Julami's instructions have to be physically possible.

2. Julami and his instructions have to be easily identifiable in the drawing.

3. Julami can't conjure objects (conservation of energy?), only manipulate them.

4. Julami can't control minds, only influence them.

5. Julami's new task will always override the previous one.

We want to start testing things like distance (how far does Julami's influence reach?) and computer stuff (like cheating in videogames and messing with school servers), and that's why today's comic is Julami giving us straight As on the next math test. No punchline needed.

I'll be honest, I'm so excited about all this that I can hardly sleep. I mean, if this kind of shit is real, what else is out there? Besides, having a pet demon could definitely open some doors for us, and I haven't had this much fun with Will in months.

Anyway, we'll keep you guys updated.

Chainsaw cheers,

- Robby

PS: Why don't you guys try testing your own Julami requests? Let us know how it goes in the comments. Just use Will's drawings as a reference!

Fox Kisses and American Psycho

Welcome to September, Doods and Doodettes!

I know it's a little early, but we're declaring this the beginning of Spooky Season despite the local opinion being that decorating for Halloween is tacky and weird. Regardless, we're planning some pretty big things for the blog in the two months leading up to Halloween - especially now that Will has discovered that he's a dark prophet. That's right, folks: our web-comics are law, and that's why today's post features a strip where Julami threatens Megan Fox into making out with Schooly McShooty (who is obviously based on me and Will).

For context, you may remember that last week's strip was about Schooly convincing Julami to shoot a fellow student in the kneecap so he couldn't perform at the track meet. Well, this past Tuesday, Will came up to me after school and explained that one of the kids from his class is currently in the hospital because he broke his knee in a freak accident ahead of the upcoming track competition.

The only rational explanation for this is that Will is secretly a teenage wizard who can foretell future tragedies. You know, like Mothman. Well, it's either that or a funny little coincidence that Will took way too seriously because he fried his brain by spending too much time on the paranoid side of the internet. Alas, only time will tell, as Will convinced me to post another prophetic comic just to see if the new prediction also comes true. I wasn't going to, but Will's been having a hard time lately because of some asshole named Gustave, so I figured that I might as well throw him a bone.

My only hope is that Megan brings some mouthwash!

Anyway, things have been interesting in the real world as well. Vic and Mari came over to my place for movie night and we had lots of fun despite my dad making embarassing comments about how I finally brought a girl to the house. It was actually pretty cool to share my books and comics with someone who doesn't own all of the exact same stuff that I do, and I even let them borrow a few things.

Hope you enjoy Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Mari! Just don't forget to read between the panels.

We ended up watching American Psycho - one of my favorites! They had never seen it before, and it had been a while since I'd watched a real classic. I obviously still rate it 10/10. Vic liked it but hated the ending and gave it a 7/10. Mari still isn't sure what to think, but she said it was shocking to see Batman being so evil.

I think that's all for now, but don't forget to tune in next week to find out if either of us is getting that coveted kiss from Ms. Fox.

Chainsaw cheers,

- Robby

PS: I can't think of a post-scriptum today. Sorry!